Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
