Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
