I'll bet she douches with gravy.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
