So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
