There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
And then he peed in my hair
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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