My room smells like vodka and shame
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
