Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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