If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
