Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Of course I have a pirate flag
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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