he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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