the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
