i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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