Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
