Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
