If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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