If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
they're like a gay fantastic four
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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