i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
