Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
where am i from again
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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