i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
