Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
