I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
