if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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