just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
MIDGETS
????
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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