my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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