I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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