Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
