He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Randomize
