I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
