I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Randomize
