We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
