my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
