Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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