why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
