i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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