Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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