Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
