I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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