you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
we should paint friendship bongs
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