I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
