does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
