doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
