Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
