just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
