i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Your cock deserves a montage
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
