The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
