Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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