at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
