clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
My pussy is not your playground.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
