a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
