dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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