I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
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