Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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