first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
