so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
