How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
