I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
