420 ftw
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
