Say something about gay babies.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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