How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
