I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
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I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
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They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize