Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
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Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
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I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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