You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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