i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
