i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
