Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
