every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
