Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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