remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
