I bet he comes in French.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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