she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
A bitchslap is in order.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
