I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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