I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
