if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize