Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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