thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
