I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
