I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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